A new hashtag has recently come to my attention. Have you seen this one? #noshameparenting
It has me thinking, are we even capable of that?
My gut instinct is no. Oh sure, it’s really cool to be gay parents, vegan parents, free range parents, attachment parents, CIO parents, homeschooling parents, strict parents, working parents, stay at home parents. But, there is one huge perception where we are failing miserably. And that is the notion of bad parents.
Any child perceived to be acting out in public is automatically assumed to have parents that are not doing their job.
Just the other day I was talking to another mom about a group of little girls we both know, when out of the blue she named one with a sneer in her voice. A spirited child that could be sassy and boisterous at times but not unruly, at least not with me. But the tone of her voice said it all. The way it rolled off her tongue like a jagged rock.
And then she said it,”How do her parents let her act like that?”
I had no words.
Yes, I know. There are kids whose parents contribute to the bad behavior of their children both knowingly and unknowingly. But I knew this was not the case here. And to hear that this mom did not believe that, left me without words.
Sadly, I do not think our society is capable of no shame parenting. We are married devoutly to the idea that children are nothing more than a direct reflection of their parents. And everything they do wrong is the parents fault.
Very rarely, if ever, do we assume that the parent of an over active or overly aggressive child is doing their level best let alone enough. The general opinion is if you parent in a fairly decent manner you will get kids that follow suit.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe we’re more tolerant than that? Who do you think is at fault when kids behave badly?