My beef with moms.

38 Comments 03 September 2010

My beef with moms.

I wholeheartedly believe every mom who is trying her hardest ( to be good mom) is working harder than she ever has on anything in her entire life. However, in our eagerness to share our common ground I think we sometimes say things we shouldn’t . The following list includes that which I DO NOT want to hear from other moms.

A) I never yell at my kids.
First of all, I think you are lying. Second of all, I don’t necessarily yell to get a response as much as to prevent my head from exploding. Which I think would be far more traumatic for my three children than a little yelling.

B) She/he has been sleeping through the night since we got home from the hospital.
Again, I know think you are lying. And if you push it too far with telling me how happy you are about it, I’m going to call you at three in the morning. When my reflux baby is screaming to wake the dead and his twin sister. Just to ask you how much you are enjoying your sleep.

C) How your three month old just LOVES to go to daycare.
Ok, but at three months old farting and burping makes babies happy too. So I have a hard time figuring out how the baby let you know that daycare is the source of happiness. Besides I gave up a piece of my sanity to stay home. And you don’t hear me saying my baby appreciates that I stay home.

D) You went back to work because you couldn’t afford not to.
Actually I don’t have a problem with this one in the least. UNLESS you and your husband are driving a Mercedes, Escalade or other luxury vehicle. This in and of itself immediately disqualifies you from ever honestly speaking these words.

E) You went back to work to set a good example for your children, especially your daughter. And in doing so teach her that a woman can have a career too.
And again, I do not have a problem with this one either. And fully intend to re-enter the work force in one capacity or another when my kids are older. With that said I would like to be able to reply to this comment with, “I didn’t go back to work so that I could set a good example for my children. And in doing so show them that having a career and a paycheck comes second to family.”

F) If YOU just ___________ then they WILL _________________.
Fill in the blank with whatever you like. But, no two kids are the same. So, unless you are volunteering to walk in my shoes for the next seven days around the clock don’t tell me what the outcome WILL be with MY kids.

G) I have always wanted twins!
Well then clearly you don’t have any. Because, as much as I absolutely adore all of my children I would have given my right arm to be able to cherish them each individually. As any mother of twins can tell you the first few years is much more than a balancing act. It is a combination of exhaustion and an overwhelming desire to split yourself in two so that you can give both babies everything they need.

So, what MOM topic do you hate to talk about?

Related posts:
Ten Things Your Mom Will Never Tell You About Having Children
Ten Reasons You Know You Are A Mom

photo credit: leoncillo sabino

Your Comments

38 Comments so far

  1. Howie says:

    My mom-in-law was at a family get-together last year and proudly declared that all three of her kids slept right through the night almost immediately. To which my pops-in-law replied, “You may have slept through the night, but I didn’t, and neither did they!”

    I like to think my hubs got his nurturing side from his dad. :)

  2. Hands down: Breast feeding.

    I would have LOVED to breast feed The Boy. It was something I would dream of while I carried him. I bought the books, I researched, I even went to a breast feeding expert as our pediatrician.

    but I couldn’t. I had less than a third of a supply from the start because of a breast reduction. I pumped for three months and eventually by 8oz a day dwindled to 6, then 4, then 1. Now I have nothing.

    And when I get judgemental comments about bottle feeding I always mention that I did try and that I couldn’t because of the surgery, and then that is when I get the judgemental comments about how SELFISH it was for me to have a surgery that would prevent me from later having back surgery.

  3. Momma Chaos says:

    I agree wholeheartedly agree with all the above ! Although I do have to admit to saying G. All.The.Time ! Preferably identical twin girls.. its on request @ dcs.. lol. But I do have 6 kids and 4 of them are very close together in age so I understand the juggling. I still would love to have them. Ok, you can hit me now : )

  4. mim says:

    You had me laughing at the first one and it just got louder as I kept reading. Great post! Granted, i am guilty of saying I always wanted twins… I now follow it with “until I actually had a child and now I don’t know how you do it.”

  5. Kait says:

    I absolutely hate, when moms say how easy their baby naps for them. Yea my baby has been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks, but he doesn’t hardly nap. He prefers to scream. (The past three days he has been up every 2 hours at night…needless to say, my foot is in my mouth.)

    I hate when moms look perfect. I managed to brush my teeth this morning…i count that as a win.

    I hate when moms put 983754387534 pictures of their kids on facebook…don’t get me wrong i love seeing pictures…but a million of one pose…sigh.

    I hate when people give me dirty looks when carrying my baby. I am married. It was NOT a teenage pregnancy. My ring just doesn’t fit.

  6. One of your best posts to date. I nodded with each point except the twins. I am a twin and I know how we were. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
    Excellent writing!

  7. Gayle says:

    B& G are the ones that get me.
    My two at the ripe old age of 15 mths are still not sleeping through the night. I remember Sarah Jessica Parker had her twins around the same time as I did and she came on the tube and pontificated about how wonderfully her two were sleeping through the night from week 3 and there I was week 5 and still walking alternately screaming wigglies at 3 am from 5pm the afternoon before. I wanted to throw something at her through the television.
    And my response to oh I always wanted twins is usually take mine LOL (just joking now that i have them wouldn’t trade them for anything)
    Made me giggle :)
    Have a great weekend

  8. LOVED this post! And while I hate the “I’m your newest follower” line … I am! At least for the moment! :)

    Now … if you don’t mind a totally OT question … Is that a widget (upper right hand corner) that creates links to popular, recent, comments, and tags, all in one handy little box? If so would you kindly tell me which one?


  9. Momma Chaos says:

    hmm I didn’t notice the widget until Beth pointed it out.. I kinda wanna know about it too now :) Nifty!

  10. LOVED this! I totally agree with you, as usual! Especially the “I went back to work to be a good role model.” Drives me up a wall. And people who tell me how to discipline my VERY active child. Trust me…what works for your very mellow child, does not work for mine. =) AND THANK YOU for using my Blog for a Cause button. I don’t feel I belong with the rest of your heroes….I’m NOT worthy! You rock!

  11. Anna says:

    All of the above! :D

    In fact, I get rather testy when people say they never yell. I kind of think it’s unhealthy to show your family robot-drone Mom all the time. My kids have seen my cry when sad, yell a bit when angry, and laugh until my stomach hurts.

    My original submission:
    “Are they all yours?”

    Well, duh. You wouldn’t ask this question if we only had two kids, and it just so happens that the youngest are the spitting image of one another. We had one, we meant to have one more, and we got two instead. Now we have three. That’s not a herd, and even so it’s none of your business! :)

  12. These are all SO true. I immediately tune out anyone who starts a sentence with any one of the above. Especially the sleep thing b/c it was my biggest and one of the most painful challenges.

  13. Ameena says:

    This is the best post I’ve read in a while – mine included!! I just don’t get why people have difficulty being honest about how hard motherhood is? Why do they feel the need to be such a hero?

    I am always so honest with people that I think it throws them for a loop. EVERYTHING about motherhood was hard for me. And I mean everything!

  14. LOVE this list. And I might brag about how early my kids slept through the night but you can then remind me that I have an almost 7 year old that would be nocturnal if I let her. *sigh*

    My submission is, “Oh, all babies cry!” Um, no. Unless you have had a colicky baby that spent 7 hours a day howling like a banshee no matter what you did, you have no business telling me that your kid “was so fussy.” Ugh.

  15. I’ll post more when I finish cleaning up the milk off the wall that sprayed from my nose when I read this… It’s scary, considering I haven’t had a glass of milk in several months.

  16. Genevieve says:

    I have been guilty of saying the last one! -but I always add the part about wanting them until I bring my newborn home and feel so overwhelmed and wonder what I would do if there were 2 of them lying there crying at me???
    I only even start the sentence because I do think that moms of multiples are special, and earning a special measure of grace.

  17. Kaitlin says:

    I just thought of major one that bugs me. The “what really my period didn’t come back till my baby was weaned. ” type of mother. My period came back at 6 weeks pp and has been regular since.

    Sorry it’s late, baby is finally sleeping, and oh yeah I’m dying from cramps. Yay for a great night.

  18. Sunday says:

    This post was awesome! I totally agree with everything you said…even though I don’t have twins I have a number of close friends who do and they amaze me with their strength and ability to function with little to no sleep for the first 2 years!

  19. Morgan B. says:

    What a great post!

    I get annoyed when my formula feeding friends think the solution to every breast feeding issue is to wean the baby. It seriously bugs.

    I get annoyed when certain mommy friends of mine suggest I go back to work to contribute to the household finances. I’m perfectly fine making sacrifices to stay at home with my kids- thank you very much.

    I get annoyed by any sleep advice. Especially by people that only have one child. Every baby is different. Some sleep. Some don’t. You do the best you can with what you have.

    Thanks for writing such a thought provoking post. I loved reading all the other comments.

  20. Ana says:

    My mother will look at my 3 year old after he’s done something off the wall (for her, talking back, sticking his tongue out at her, not listening to her, etc) and instantly tell me, “You and your brothers NEVER did that…it must be from Tyler’s (my hubs) side of the family. I never did like them.” It doesn’t matter if she just taught my son 30 seconds beforehand how to stick his tongue out, it’s not her fault because she had perfect children…it’s a dysfunctional gene from my hubs.

    My response to this normally: an eye roll and a “yes Mom” and then a subject change!

  21. Candace says:

    Too funny and too true! I always had a problem with every one of those “mom” comments when my kids were little, except for the twins opinion – I wouldn’t ask or wish that “blessing” on anyone, given I have no idea what that would do to my psyche.
    Because my 4 are all tweens and teens, I usually get comments or questions regarding if my kids are in accelerated classes or why they are not in every sport, every musical class, and any other extracurricular activity that the other mom’s kids are in….no, thank you!
    And of course, when our blended family walks into any establishment, we undoubtedly get the “look”…the one that says, who belongs to who??
    Gotta love the ignorant comments there…lol

  22. Alisha says:

    love love your honesty!!! too funny.

    “it’s when you just stop trying, relax, then it will happen”

    well, thank you very much. it’s so easy to stop trying when you and your partner are purchasing baby-daddy-juice, having ultrasounds, and shoving a hot-poker, oh wait, i mean inserting an intrauterine catheter three times per month. i’ll just stop trying. call me mary.

  23. Erika says:

    I agree wholehartedly, but add: “triplets? (twins) HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN?” like we did it on purpose??

    great post, I needed the laugh, as I sit here awake at midnight-thirty after comforting my still-doesn’t-sleep-through-the-night almost 7 year old!

  24. Cindy says:

    I love this post and think I agree with it all!
    My kids are 8-12 and I am still a sahm, yes I am. And I hate when somebody asks me, “So, what are you doing these days?” !

  25. Mayra says:

    I despise most of these. I also can’t stand the moms who think their method of doing something is the right one and they try to shove it on you.

    The sleeping through the night one; I’ve heard it so much I might just believe it. haha

  26. Stephanie says:

    My toddler (18-months-old next week! I can’t believe it!) still wakes in the night too. ;)

    Also – D gets me every time. We have several friends who say that exact same thing…yet they make double (or even triple) our income – plus they drive fancy cars, eat out, have cable, etc. I know that’s not the case for everyone, but…as a wise person once told me, “you can afford what you prioritize.”

  27. Stephanie says:

    Just to clarify: I do realize that some people have financial hardships and situations that require them to work.

    I also realize that some moms prefer to work outside-of-the-home for other reasons…

    every family’s situation is unique.

  28. Fadra says:

    Loved this post thanks to Sunday (for sharing)! I would have to say the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding issue bugs me. To each his own. No one should have to apologize for their choices.

    Frankly, I just like to complain sometimes about a lot of the things you said above. My pet peeve is when girlfriends confuse “talking” about something with “asking for advice” about something.

  29. Cass says:

    re: your G)–a thousand times ditto. Gah.

  30. Dakotapam says:

    i love this!

    My twins don’t sleep thru the night and if one more person tells me they wanted twins I’m going to go ballistic! ( except I have one twin mama friend who always wanted them and git them!)

  31. Kallay says:

    Being pregnant with twins myself, a few of my biggest pet peeves are the off color comments. Things like:

    “Oh, you’re having twins!” (followed by a sad face and/or sign of the cross) Um… I don’t see this as a burden. Motherhood in any capacity is hard and I wouldn’t wish to give up either of my children just because they’re coming at the same time.

    “You’re huge!” Thanks.

    “You’re never going to….” Sleep, have a hot meal, shower, etc. While it may be realistic to say that life as we know it is changing, I don’t think that the negativity is necessary.

    I can’t wait to see what else we hear once the girls are here. Great post! I especially love point (E)! We really do need two incomes to survive (we have an old car, rent a duplex from my grandmother and hope to one day pay off debt, no Mercedes here!), but we’re trying everything we can to try and keep me home because family is more important than money. I’m currently looking into some jobs I can do at home like medical transcription, etc. They’re not dream jobs, but it’s a job I can do at home, on my own time, so we can raise our own children.

  32. Wow I don’t know you, but I love you. lol I especially love the stuff you said about going back to work or not. You’re awesome.

  33. DebPieper says:

    thanks for visiting my blog!

    I think it is annoying when people assume life with triplets is ___________. Some think it is miserable, some think it is cool, some are envious. I think it is just life. All of the above and so much more. Depends on the day, just like any family.

    I also like the recent “disposable diapers are poisonous to your kid, you horrid mom” movement. Mine lived. And I assume their quirks are thanks to genetics. You’re welcome, kids. :)

  34. Mimi says:

    Absolutely on the “If only I could afford to stay home I would”. Cringe everytime I hear that foolishness.I always say while I can’t go in Target and spend $100 at any given time on nothing at least I am making the sacrifice for my children.

  35. zeemaid says:

    Okay I’ve been guilty of the sleep thing… cause all three of mine went down at 7pm but of course, that doesn’t tell the whole story of how my oldest slept in her strollr for three months because that’s the only way we could get her to sleep by rolling her around the house or how baby #2 had sleep issues and ended up sleeping in baby #1’s room for security…. so I guess when I brag now it’s to make up for all the tough nights before. ;) I agree though, there’s nothing more annoying to listen to someone tell you how perfect their kids are….

    Happy SITS day!

  36. HAHAHA!!! I love the one that says, I always wanted twins! You are so right! I also like, “UGH, twins, I don’t know how you do it” Well, I have food in my hair, I’m wearing my PJ’s at 5pm and I don’t know what day it is. So you tell ME how I’m doing it. !
    My Twintastic Life

  37. Cari says:

    I love you E response- I feel the same exact way. Each parent has to do what is best for their family.

    I HATE it when people start saying that breastfeeding is the best choice- it isn’t always. Some of us chose being able to be the one to raise our children over breastfeeding.

    It doesn’t matter why the decision is made, every family is different, so ever decision making process is different. Thanks for this post and thanks for visiting me (NighLon)

  38. Momma O says:

    What I dislike about other mom’s comments is that they are coming from their own perspective – not mine. My comments don’t come from theirs. So it tends to be a bunch of trying to one up each other or justifying our choices.

    I chose NOT to breastfeed (I was active duty Army at the time) and I got lectured by my SAHM friends about how breast was best. And while I totally respect their opinions – they weren’t going to have to deal with running 10 miles in the morning with sore boobies and deal with pumping before pumping was socially cool. Guess what? My kids turned out just fine without breast milk. WHO KNEW?!?!

    But then there are my friends now with smaller children who freak out about leaving their children for 2 hours with the grandparents so they can have a date night with their spouse. Of course, my opinion is that they are crazy and need to date their spouse or they won’t have a marriage soon enough and that perfect family they think they can portray will come crashing down. Think they like hearing that from me? Of course not. So – I just try to keep my mouth shut. In public. Not on the internets though. LOL

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